So it begins
This piece has been in the draft pile for a long time.
Actually not this exact piece, but a few more titled similarly and serves the same purpose — as the first post of a blog that i have been meaning to start working on.
But none of them got published.
Because I don’t have anything to post after the first article. Because I have been putting off writing. Because the past couple of months have been exhausting, to juggle between surviving the pandemic and keeping my psyche together. Because writing takes tremendous courage and strength which I wasn’t strong enough to summon. Because not doing anything but crocheting with my cat next to me sounds so much more relaxing and so much easier. Because I am afraid of what might happen.
I am afraid that once I started diving into my “project”, I will start seeing how much I screwed up and how much I need to change in order to live a normal life again. I am afraid that I might wanna put myself out there again. I am afraid that I will no longer be satisfy with the “easy life” I now live. I am afraid that I will have hopes and dreams and goals again, which inevitably leads to stress and depression.
Well, I don’t want to be depressed again.
So why am I still typing?
Because I am bored.
Yes, crocheting has been fun. It’s satisfying in a lot of ways. But I also wanna document my thoughts and my life. I wanna dig deep into my train of thoughts and try coming up with something meaningful for maybe someone to read.
Well, that’s a lie.
I don’t plan to show anyone the blog. I don’t plan to make anything out of it. Because it is still too risky to put yourself out there for people to judge. But maybe someday.
Honestly, it feels good to be back on the keyboard writing your mind without worrying how the piece is constructed, and how people might think of you.
So, let’s talk about my projects.
